The emotion of jealousy is very addictive and powerful, so much so that it takes over a person's personality where it can literally destroy a love two people once had together. It is definitely not love, because love's main components are trust, hope, unconditional love as well as a physical, mental and spiritual connection that is very special. Love makes people feel cherished and happy, it does not bring people down.
So when do you classify a person as overly-possessive or jealous bordering on the paranoid? People who have a borderline or acute personality disorder, schizophrenia or bipolar disorder are mostly inclined to feel insecurity and over protectiveness. They exhibit overly dramatic, exaggerated and antisocial behavior and are not in complete command of their emotions.
In a normal and balanced relationship, healthy insecurity and over protectiveness can occur, so they are not a cause for too much concern. But if these traits invade a rational boundary, they inflict tension and place pressure on the partners in the relationship. A partner may turn into from a pleasant easy going person into a rude, controlling individual who can become abusive to the partner, physically or verbally.
How do I decide if my partner is too insecure too possessive that it just does not seem normal? Most people know that if their partner is constantly checking up on them either through numerous phone calls, texting, and so on there is something wrong. When your partner is with you they are constantly questioning you on your activities and where you spent the day.
In some examples, extreme jealousy is practiced through violence as in the case of jealous individuals who can easily express sexually or physically violent towards their partner. Any individual who is in this type of relationship should end the relationship immediately and seek a safe shelter away from the violent individual. No one should have to live in fear in a relationship that is full of jealousy and violence, and this type of relationship is not an expression of love.
If your partner is not violent but they are too possessive, try to discuss the root of the insecurity. Many times controlling behavior and over-possessiveness in a relationship are a learned reaction. Some parents or friends have lived this toxic form of existence, so jealousy feels like a normal and comfortable emotion to express.
If you can get through by communicating with your partner emphasize how important trust is for you in a relationship and that you view it as a sign of love. If this does not work, and your partner is still insecure try setting up an appointment with a relationship or family counselor. Hopefully your partner will want to please you, and work on your relationship to make it more secure and committed.